Suck it, Aqua-mom!

Last Friday I took Daphne to her third swim class. I was really looking forward to it 'cause she'd had a nap right before. The problem with the class is that it starts at 9 am which is right around the time Daphne joins me for her morning nap (and my sleep in!) We managed to get her down for a 20 minute catnap at 8 so I was pretty confident that she would be a little more interested in the class and a little less tired and freaked out this time. And I was right. She had a blast. Too bad I didn't. Here's what happened:

We arrived for the class at around five to nine with just enough time for me to take off the million layers that adorn Daphne whenever we go out and for me to get my swimsuit on. The family change room was pretty much empty save for a mom, her baby boy and the boy's grandmother. I sat Daphne down on the giant multi-baby change table and began to get her undressed. The grandmother of the boy was taking a bunch of pictures of him as he appeared to have just learned how to sit. The boy's mom looked at Daphne and said to her son 'Sweetie, do you see the little baby?' and proceeded to make quite a few comments to get him interested in the 'young baby' to his right. Finally I looked up at her and jokingly said 'I bet that Daphne's actually older than your guy, she's just really small.' To which the mom replied 'Really?' To which I replied 'Yeah, I bet you can't even guess how old she is.' So she guessed what I will grant her was a very educated guess. Daphne had to be between 5 and 7 months based solely on the fact that she was sitting. Five months may be jumping the gun on sitting so my guess is that's how she got to her guess of 6 months. Actually, I think she said 'no more than 6 months'. I informed her that Daphne was in fact 8 months to which she replied 'Oh...it's just that she doesn't act like an 8 month old." EXCUSE ME? 'It's just that she doesn't act like an 8 month old.' Okay, so please tell me that I'm right in being offended by this comment! I mean, fine, tell me that my baby looks young but to look at her for all of a minute and repeatedly (yes, she said it more than once) tell me that she's not acting her age is a huge insult. Who died and made you a specialist on infant behaviour? The last time I checked she was a first-time mom too, so I have no idea what she's basing this observation on. Did she expect Daphne to be dressing herself at 8 months? Did she think that because Daphne was being a quiet, well-behaved baby that she had to be younger than she was? Or maybe, just maybe, was she basing it all on the fact that Daphne wasn't reciting the alphabet yet? Yup, that's got to be it. All 8 month olds can recite the alphabet, it's a fact. The really talented ones can even read and spell and some of them (the ones who've mastered crawling, walking and running) can ride bikes. Man, I can't believe how far behind Daphne is. We're screwed.

But in all seriousness, what this lady said really irked me. It also made me stress out, unnecessarily. I got home and all I could hear was her comment and being the over-reactor that I am, I started to actually believe that there was something wrong with Daphne. I got all stressed out because she's shown very little interest in crawling or walking. I forgot to acknowledge that fact she's got really great fine motor skills and is chatty to boot. Yeah, she seems to be reaching her gross motor skill milestones a little later than some babies, but she's not by any means out of the range of normal. Her size does add to my stress, but she seems happy and healthy and neither the doctor nor the pediatrician seem to be concerned. Why then, did I let this happen? Why did I let what someone else said get to me? Why are parents so interested in comparing their babies? My guess is that all parents want the best for their children and most parents want their children to be the best. I think that a lot of us take our babies' development personally. Why is so-and-so's baby crawling and Daphne isn't? Did I do something wrong? Should I have given her an hour more of tummy time every day? Maybe, maybe not. The truth of the matter is that all babies are different, some are quicker than others. It doesn't make your baby or my baby better, it just shows us that we're all as unique as they say we are. All we can do is be there to support our babies as they learn to navigate this crazy world and stay positive. The last thing anyone needs is negativity, especially babies; they're way too perceptive and a lot smarter than most of us give them credit for. Daphne's also a Taurus, which means she's stubborn and would rather learn at her own pace, something that I have to constantly remind myself of as us Aries like to lead and take charge. Look at me all sounding like an astrologist, but it's true. As much fun as it is to manipulate Daphne into a crawling position, something tells me that it's all for naught. Daphne will get there when she's good and ready to and I'm not going to let anyone make me second-guess just how awesome she is ever again. Or so I hope.

Oh, and to the aqua-mom who made the comment: instead of casting judgement why not offer some positive reinforcement to other new moms like yourself? We're all as insecure as you are, and could use the support. Besides, you'll need it in 40 years when Daphne's prime minister and your son's getting her coffee. Snap!

Daphne, five months, reading up on foreign policy.